Interior Design & Event Planning for Purposeful People
Vito and I are going off an adventure together. I’m piloting a project to share some of the moments of inspiration that life brings with this little guy. Like any adventure, we’ll just have to see where this takes us!
Stay tuned for more details and links.
I haven’t been in the mood to write for awhile. I have a rule about writing, I only do it when it feels good to do it. It is one activity that, for me, firmly requires absolutely no sense of dread or obligation accompany the activity. Everyone should have at least one of these kinds of pleasures in life. Every time I feel the open space in my heart and mind along with the motivation to write, it is a sublime experience to sit down and do so.
I have also had my hands very full with our ‘pandemic puppy.’ Born on Thanksgiving, he embodies the spirit of my last post. I think subconsciously I was inspired to let it linger a bit before posting again. Thanksgiving was also the date that would have been my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary if they were still with us. That too makes me think of my last post…it seems to me my most cherished moments in my life are those that also remind me of its impermanence in some significant way. I have come to understand that as an inevitable and achingly beautiful thing. That may be something many are experiencing with the many tragic losses of this past year. I posted this picture of our little Vito in honor of my first post featuring our beloved pug Stanley who passed one year ago tomorrow. It brings a smile and a tear to the eye. The sense of impermanence is replaced with a reminder that life itself is perpetual and in motion.
On a lighter note, there is nothing like a puppy to make you appreciate practical and durable furnishings and the important role of good design in our life. Good design is beautiful but also allows us to evolve in our work and life. It should allow us to shift our priorities while continuing to support our personal and professional flow. For me, both have been supported by the act of letting go and immersing myself in the new puppy experience for awhile. It’s something you never get back once it is over and It’s so short really! If that little time you have is met with dread and obligation to a creature you feel is ravaging your home, you might miss the joy in the experience. Little Vito is sleeping calmly at my feet while I write. After a few months of pure puppy time, the occasional pecks on my toes from a sleepy happy puppy as I am able to sit down and write are a pure delight on so many levels right now…I could go on and on. He is also learning to enjoy car (and trike) rides so he can tag along with me at work and play! My heart is full and my mind is excited to pay forward this incredible gift.
During this season that is paradoxically sacred and perilous for so many people, I hope a moment to share my appreciation of life doesn’t seem self-indulgent or insensitive. Thanksgiving is a holiday symbolizing both abundance and humble gratitude for what we are given.
After months of living differently during a pandemic, I am rediscovering and appreciating the simple abundance in my life. In the absence of so much that once defined and filled the everyday aspect of my life, I understand now more than ever… What exists in a place too many people consider the ‘background’ of their lives is actually what profoundly shapes the joy we find in life. During this pandemic, that ‘background’ is being discovered by too many as either missing or severely malnourished.
Since my whole business is themed around the ‘joyful pursuit of your life’s work,’ I think it’s worth sharing some thoughts on my life’s work. I don’t know if this message is going to resonate with some prospective design clients. I don’t promote myself as the ‘designer’s designer.’ I love design, am deeply moved by what I experience visually, and I am passionate about creating beautiful spaces. I seek to be skilled at my craft. Still, my life’s work is not driven by interior design.
Interior design is just one means to a very thoughtful end – that of an existential journey we all share as humans. My reason for doing the work is that it brings me joy to do it. I won’t pretend that interior design is a primary means to an existential end; but it serves as a backdrop to events that shape the quality of our lives. Therefore it’s highly relevant. Done well, it has the potential to deeply and positively impact some of our most significant and life-altering moments.
It may be that potential clients are impressed by a self-sacrificing designer who exists on-demand to create beautiful spaces for their clients. Be careful what you wish for in this scenario. While it brings me joy to do my work, I have yet to find where this kind of self-sacrificing relationship to the work creates joyful people or results in a joyful life. From an existential perspective, you simply cannot create the conditions for a joyful life if you’re not joyful yourself. True for the people designing your space as it is for you.
I’ll continue to take my chances on whether my inclusive approach to design and life is going to be financially rewarding – because the existential rewards have already exceeded my expectations. I am truly and humbly grateful for a life that facilitates such abundance.
Maybe that’s why I’m still comfortable with the message of ‘Cause to Celebrate Life’ in my company name. I realize, particularly during a pandemic, it may have a strong connotation of death. After all, we use ‘Celebration of Life’ to describe events for those who have passed. What I learned in life has apparently placed me on a path toward expanding how we think about that. It seems profoundly unfair, especially now, that the ‘celebration’ of your life only takes place after your passing. This pandemic has exposed the fact that this is no accident – our opportunities for joy in life are facing an existential threat. The threat does not exist because of the pandemic. We need to get to work on our failure to create the conditions for joy in our own lives and the lives of others.
My ’cause’ is to celebrate life at every point in the journey, to the greatest extent possible. (And what a joyful celebration we can plan when this journey is complete for you too!) In this, there is no need to assume the joyful pursuit of a life to celebrate is either self-indulgent or insensitive. In fact, a very necessary element of a joyful pursuit is helping others shape their life into something they wish to celebrate; both while they are still with us and in remembrance. That is where you can find me, if I continue to be so fortunate.
I have been experiencing difficulties with my laptop for the last several weeks and I’m very frustrated about this fact. I am very attached to this machine as it has given me years of worry-free service; even while using AutoCAD and other complex memory-devouring programs. It has also gotten a big workout since all of my work is being done remotely. So now, at the height of things COVID, I dread making a change. I hold out hope I can manage to keep operating until I get a local tech guru to replace my machine with everything just how I like it.
And then I exhale with gratitude that this is my biggest personal problem right now. It’s not even a real problem. I still have my health, my family’s health, health of my friends and neighbors; for all of which I am extremely grateful. I have made the conscious choice to abide by the recommendations of those experts trying to save our lives during this terrible pandemic. It has been inconvenient, it has been sad and it has been nerve-wracking at times. But fortunately for me, it has not been a real problem to make changes so far. I know I am am extremely fortunate. I can choose when to replace my computer or when to leave the house. I can choose how much risk I would like to introduce into my own existence during these difficult times.
I am struck by the extent to which those of us who have the privilege to choose are oblivious to the fact that by choice we could be depriving others of choice in very harmful ways. Stopping to reflect on that sentence, I recognize this as a perennial human issue – one that is simply in high relief today during a pandemic. Electing to place others at risk or burden them unnecessarily with the consequences of our risky behavior, when we can easily choose not to – is this the product of a different type of ‘technical difficulty?’ This seems like one time where the choice should be obvious – can we not reasonably compute the consequences of our real life decisions in our own heads? Or do we just not care about them? I shudder to think about either possibility being universally true.
Choice, in itself, is a beautiful thing. Choice is a gift and sometimes it is a right. We do not get to choose the responsibility that accompanies such exercise however; we can only choose to abdicate responsibility. The exercise of choice can therefore reveal just whose suffering is acceptable to us when we abdicate responsibility for putting others in peril – directly or indirectly. Perhaps we can reflect on that for a moment…What if we acted as if no one’s suffering (real or anticipated) is acceptable? What if our choices and those of our elected leaders reflected this orientation? What choices can we make today to bring us closer to that reality? What would the next months look and feel like? What gratitude might others express for these choices – would they be grateful for their health and the ability to manage during tough times?
Shouldn’t we all get that choice?
Harvard Business Review: If Humble People Make the Best Leaders, Why Do We Fall for Charismatic Narcissists? People are drawn to those who look and act the romanticized role of the leader. But charismatic leadership can have a dark side. Read More
Article by Margarita Mayo, Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior at IE Business School in Madrid. She was recently featured on the Thinkers50 Radar as one of 30 thought leaders to watch in 2017.
1736 N. Bailey Dict. Domesticum, [To make] An Umble Pye. Boil the umbles of a deer till they are very tender [etc.]. https://www.macmillandictionaryblog.com/stories-behind-words-humble-pie
Is all of this going somewhere, you may ask? Yes, yes, it is. I am slowly emerging from the emotional bunker where I spent all of my time since election day. You may think I’m about to talk partisan politics here but you would be wrong. I am going to talk about leadership. This happens to be a familiar subject as I spent some time in leadership roles over the years and even once served as a director of leadership education for a small private college. What does this have to do with design? As it turns out, a lot.
Much of my blog has been dedicated to exploring the common thread of design throughout our life. Design is a process and designers are both stewards and shepherds of that process. Designers are also artists in their own right. To be a successful designer, one has to have the ability to engage others and possess sufficient confidence in one’s own vision; serving to bring others along on the journey toward an artistic goal. Most of us are familiar with the warped ways this is depicted in popular media. Movies can’t resist the stereotype of the effete pseudo-aristocratic designer who humiliates someone into changing everything about their space and appearance. They make for an entertaining plot-thickener of sorts in movies otherwise missing one, but it sucks to deal with that type of person in real life.
As it turns out, we can think of leaders in a very similar way to how we think about designers. CEOs, for example, are stereotyped as something indistinguishable from schoolyard bullies, except older and with golden parachutes. In reality, we rarely hear anything about the most successful people in business – and the brilliant jerks (phrase courtesy of Bob Sutton) we do happen to know about often get sidelined from working directly with people before they completely drive a company into the ground. Sutton shared recently, “Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior, unfortunately…The evidence generally is that when you treat people badly, the only time it really seems to work is if you’re in a zero-sum game and it’s a shorter-term game,” he explains. “And my perspective is that even if you’re in the zero-sum game, where the assholes get ahead, there’s all this negative carnage...”
Hmmm, perhaps there are some additional parallels we can draw here but let’s skip to the part about PIE. A zero-sum game, defined by Miriam-Webster as “a situation in which one person or group can win something only by causing another person or group to lose it,” is often described metaphorically in terms of pie. In the act of obtaining what one deems to be their share of a pie, they are most certainly going to deprive someone else of that share. Perhaps it’s regrettable to the recipient, but one who feels entitled to pie considers such deprivation to be necessary collateral damage.
A design is not a PIE. Neither is Democracy. You can make the case that, like pie, both are the product of a process… a process of experimentation to select from an infinitude of available somethings to create another something that is delicious FOR EVERYONE. It works best to take our time and make it with lots of love. It is meant to be shared with others. We want everyone to enjoy it. When it stops being delicious our desire to keep making it will diminish. That’s where the comparison ends.
A successful leader, a successful person, does not act like the fruits of our democracy are stuck in a proverbial pie made for people to fight over. Only people born with privilege can push this idea because it’s fundamentally self-affirming for them (having already “won” their piece). Everyone else marinates in this myth however. We watch how the stereotypical designer emulates the aristocracy of their most privileged clients and convinces the stereotypical ‘uncultured slob’ to change everything. It’s like preaching to the choir. We buy it in our designers and our leaders far too often.
The most harm being done is to those who think they will find themselves on the losing end of an already existing fight to get a piece of this proverbial pie. It is these folks who potentially lose faith while constantly swimming upstream in our culture. They lose interest in our companies, organizations and institutions. Or they may take different path – attempting to push others down in an effort to increase their odds of success and/or aligning themselves with power to gain favor from those in a position to bestow it upon them.
Democracy is not designed to sustain aristocracy in the form of unearned privilege typified by gross wealth inequity. There was a time when most politicians would agree and tell you that. Many of them emerged from some form of hardship and managed to overcome the obstacles set before them; they entered politics to help others do the same. They may have come from wealth themselves, but something drove them to pursue politics as a “public service.” They weren’t thickening the plot and pre-casting themselves in some television drama for wannabe millionaires or politicos.
As those with the most power and privilege have entered increasingly into politics solely for self-preservation, they find “misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.” Indeed, we are discovering where the message that ‘democracy can be delicious for everyone’ has been lost in some places. It has been replaced with a ‘win at all costs’ mentality that exists at both ends of our existing gross inequity. It exists for completely different reasons and necessitates completely different ‘solutions.’ Unfortunately, the mindset itself is so seductive it may be difficult for some to notice this impassable chasm between the two. Or maybe we are noticing and that’s why we’re here.
If we don’t correct this course with authentic, not made-for-television leadership, we’ll all be eating humble pie soon enough when democracy fails. For some, that might just seem good enough if they can be convinced its necessary collateral damage. Great leaders should spare no effort to bolster a democracy that convinces people otherwise. To do so, they must be humble stewards and shepherds of the design process that yields it.
This year, I was planning to work with my Emerson East Neighborhood Association to sponsor our dedication of ‘The People’s Pronouns,’ the sculpture featured in my previous post. The sculpture was installed recently in our newly-named Emerson East Park. It was to be a proud moment for our neighborhood and a fun celebration. Well, as has been true with most events this year (as well as my event planning business)-plans had to change.
Instead of an in-person event, I embarked on a new adventure to help our association create a special edition booklet intended to feel like its own “event.” The booklet contains coloring pages featuring outline images of the sculpture developed by the Madison Arts Commission, as well as a special message from artist Ray Chi. The booklet includes additional timely resources we collected from around the neighborhood that would compliment the inclusive and engaging message of The People’s Pronouns. With help from a City of Madison Neighborhood Grant, we also used the opportunity to encourage new membership and solicit feedback with a neighborhood issues survey. In spite our disappointment in cancelling our event, we successfully managed to create a unique and special moment for the 1200 households in our neighborhood.
As the ability to host people in person further wanes during the winter months, we have an opportunity to expand our thinking about what constitutes an ‘event.’ This is the kind of creative endeavor that requires thinking outside the traditional confines of a single area of expertise. I felt like this unique opportunity for Emerson East had allowed me to use all of the additional skills I have developed over the years to still create something special despite our event cancellation. And if there was ever a time we needed something special to keep our spirits lifted despite event cancellations, this year would be it.
So, while you may not be thinking an event planner is someone you’ll be contacting, perhaps a design-thinker is just the person you should contact when considering your alternatives to an in-person event. I would be delighted to be a resource for you. Stay well and remember to get your flu shot if you can!
As creatives, we can find a lot of resources intended to help us overcome “resistance.” In this context, it is our own resistance to creative expression that gets the most attention. We typically understand such resistance as the fears and anxieties that disrupt flow; an immersion in the creative process.
Most of us likely understand these contexts for defining resistance. In every context, resistance creates friction. Friction is almost universally understood to be unpleasant, even if it is considered necessary.
We seem to diverge from here concerning our response to friction. We are seeing a lot of friction in our democracy today. Those who are resisting oppressive norms view the resulting friction as absolutely necessary to disrupt the acceptance of those norms. Those who are resisting change are putting in place barriers that disrupt the flow of new energy and ideas. The former group experiences friction as a sign of progress; the latter group experiences that same friction as a sign of failure.
As creatives, we understand our internal friction as necessary to the creative process. Friction creates energy. For creatives, It starts with a gut-check. It is the moment we clarify our intentions and make the deliberate choice to persist beyond our own doubts and insecurities. In those moments we determine that the process is too valuable to abandon and believe the outcome will be worth it, regardless. We value process over product. We become emboldened to meet external sources of friction clear-eyed and with pure hearts. We begin our immersion in creation.
There are two ways we define the opposite of resistance. In social circles, it is defined as acceptance. In physics, it is defined as conductivity. The creative process converts friction into energy through both acceptance and conductivity. We accept resistance and friction, and we in turn use the creative process as conduit to convert friction into creation.
Isn’t that what democracy is/was supposed to be? To me, democracy is a form of creative process. It is not the opposite or absence of friction – it is the antidote to friction. When we resist a democracy that has gone off the rails, the resulting and necessary friction is an opportunity to conduct this energy into new creation that makes us stronger together. Our democracy is built for the reconciliation of opposing viewpoints, as friction is both extremely potent and corrosive.
Instead of accepting this friction that calls us to create a more perfect union, those in power seem so terrified of the potential result they are resisting the very mechanisms we need to convert all of this heat and energy into something useful and beneficial to all of us. Is it because their hearts are not pure when it comes to the true meaning of democracy? Is it because their faith in the democratic process is contingent only upon achieving their desired result? From the perspective of a creative, that mindset is a non-starter. It is the opposite of creation. It is literally destruction.
With the passing of so many luminaries of social justice and democracy this year and all else we are facing, I’m struggling to meet this moment. I know I am not alone. The great consolation is that I believe we are all creators, and we were all created equally as creators. In that lies great potential for us all, if we can summon trust in the process and find courage to persist nonetheless.
I’ve been working hard to keep my spirits up during trying times, as we all are. One highlight has been rediscovering my backyard as a lovely backdrop for intimate, socially-distanced gatherings. A few tasteful floral arrangements, time spent pressing table linens and some AV upgrades resulted in a spectacular socially-distanced evening under the stars; viewing this year’s Virtual Opera in the Park with a few close friends.
Typically we might think of something done on this scale as over the top for a simple backyard gathering of family and a couple of close friends. The opera is always a great inspiration for something more elegant, but so is being relatively isolated for months on end. When we can’t attend events that we typically enjoy, we need to find a way to create those for ourselves. If for no other reason, just to preserve some sense of connection to the world that existed prior to these challenging times – some semblance of which we hope will return.
We can also transform our outdoor spaces for remembering those we have lost during this pandemic. I lost my dear pug Stanley in April and we created a similar backyard venue to celebrate his life. Folks everywhere have had to rethink the typical ways we remember our lost loved ones during this pandemic. I speak from experience in finding that, on any scale, the necessary additional effort we put into these kinds of deeply personal events can bring us closer to the same spirit that carried our loved ones to peace. That spirit can also bring us peace and calm while we’re still here.
Whether it’s in joy or sadness, we can find a unique wholeness in going beyond the typical while we stay safe. Try some candlelight at your next dinner. Spread out some fluffy pillows on a blanket in the backyard and sprawl for the afternoon. Make a playlist of music that inspires you and play it for yourself when you’re down – or make one inspired by someone you love. Get out the good dishes and the glassware and create a beautiful table for your next meal – even if you’re by yourself. Make a bouquet or order one for yourself to enjoy. Send one to someone you love. Read romantic poetry and pretend it was written for you or read it to the one you love – even if that person isn’t here. Stop saving those wonderful sensations for later – it’s doing you no good right now. Do it…
Now.
Be Well!
“If life hands you lemons, make lemonade! Words to live by, especially when you kept in mind that the only way to make them into lemonade was to squeeze the hell out of them.”
― Stephen King
Many of us are prepared to squeeze the hell out of something if we thought that would improve our situation. Times are tough and tensions are high. What can design do for us in this moment?
I doubt that I’m alone when I cringe watching online retailers hawking new furniture and patterned dishes when people are out of work and going hungry. It strikes me as similarly tone deaf to amplify a designer’s role in creating fabulous redesigns featuring tons of splendid new products. So I won’t do it -not that I’ve ever been inclined to focus on sales of new products. Still, I do believe in the power of delivering functional and beautiful spaces. It’s now more important than ever to treat our spaces as sacred given how little space in which we can safely operate these days!
Here’s another way to think about working with a designer during tough times. Keep in mind that independent designers are also deeply affected and struggling to find work as creatives during this pandemic. Even if you are keeping your home or office free of unnecessary visitors, there are plenty of ways you can consult a designer to meet emerging needs. Here’s just a few ideas:
Especially working within constraints, independent designers can generally do a better job researching multiple sources and methods to get you the best outcomes for your budget and style. If you’re not in the market to buy anything new, your independent designer is often equally happy to help you work with what you have on hand. In my case, working primarily as a consultant keeps me free of pressure from employers and vendors who would otherwise expect me to steer you toward product sales for them.
I chose an independent route for my career because I’m concerned about the environmental effects of selling products in a ‘disposable’ culture. I’m also typically more excited by the challenge of working with what you have rather than simply pushing you to buy something new. In my mind, it’s a great fit for the times we are living in today. You can always get an estimate beforehand for how much design time is necessary to deliver what you need for your project. If you decide you want to use my ideas to shop on your own for new products, that’s great. If you prefer I help you shop your favorite retailers, I’m game for that too.
Do what you need to do in order take care of yourself. I’ll be sure to do the same. In the meantime, if this post gives you inspiration to make some lemonade out of these lemons we’re being handed – I’m happy to help any way that I can!
May our heart’s garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers – Thich Nhat Hanh
It is hard to embrace this moment as a time of awakening and blooming when we are surrounded by so much suffering. Outdoors, I am spending most of my time in the backyard, enjoying the surrounding gardens. This is the perfect place to be reminded exactly how growth works.
Before everything in the garden is in bloom, it is stark and gloomy. The death that preceded it nourishes a new beginning. There is not much to see above, but underneath is teeming with life; preparing to emerge as something beautiful to the observer. When we see it, we remember everything has it’s place in a cycle of life.
We do need to tend to the gardens of our cultivation. We cultivate our home and garden for the purpose of helping us live well. Our heart’s instinct to grow and love must be similarly cultivated in order to flourish in our modern world. Just as too many are deprived of livable environments, too many are deprived of the knowledge that they are both lovable and loving. What can emerge as something beautiful is deprived of what it needs to survive. If we see the whole of life as our garden, we must tend to this problem.
If we have been paying attention, we have been shaken by this pandemic. We are becoming aware of the depth of our connection to one another at the same time. We are waking to the fact that there is far more below the surface than we may have once thought. No one is immune to this disease, just as no one was ever immune to the multitude of problems we were once quick to ascribe to others. In short, our collective consciousness is teeming with life.
Will we approach this gloomy, soiled and wormy mess with terror? Or, will we give it the sunshine, air and water it needs to emerge as something beautiful? Our incredible, fragile, pounding, broken and irreplaceable hearts must now decide. For some, it is a greater act of faith than it will be for others. It may surprise us just who has to leap the furthest.
Sara L. Hinkel, M.S.Ed.