Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’ve been invited to help the Emerson East Neighborhood Association as they would like to update their neighborhood signage. We’re making it an inclusive effort to engage neighbors in generating ideas for our new sign. We also hope we can tap into our local talent to help transform those ideas into something unique and special for the neighborhood. I am very excited to see where this leads us!

Magical Thinking, the belief that one’s ideas, thoughts, actions, words, or use of symbols can influence the course of events in the material world. Magical thinking presumes a causal link between one’s inner, personal experience and the external physical world. (Source: https://www.britannica.com/science/magical-thinking)

Most everyone has engaged in some kind of magical thinking as described above. Ever have a lucky object of some sort? Ever wonder if thinking something negative caused something negative (but completely unrelated) to happen? Ever watch Star Wars or any number of superhero movies because you wish to relate to the protagonist in the story? We are easily seduced by the idea that we have, or we the virtuous can acquire, more power to influence events. It takes up even more of our imagination when our world becomes increasingly complicated and feels beyond our control. Superhero blockbusters ingeniously tap into this dynamic by showing powerless but virtuous humans discover unique and magical abilities that give them power to defeat evil.

Magical thinking presumes a causal link between one’s inner, personal experience and the external physical world. I regret to inform you that it’s an extremely egocentric view; predicated on being at the center of all things and possessing power over those things. We all like to think if we can acquire such power ourselves, we would use it for good/justice in the face of evil. The same egocentrism that fuels magical thinking guarantees that self-perception. It doesn’t make that self-perception objectively true – as history proves time and again. We idealize power as being only acquired by the ‘best’ people when we align ourselves with powerful people too – but we should also know from history that’s simply irrational. Perhaps this is why some people in power today are getting especially uncomfortable with lessons from our history.

Magical thinking is considered a normal stage of development in children. At best, magical thinking gives us a sense of control in an increasingly chaotic world we might otherwise fear too much to engage. It might also stop us from certain kinds of dangerous thoughts or experiences; believing we will cause something else bad to happen.

At worst however, magical thinking can fuel an insatiable and lifelong appetite for power. If you persist beyond childhood in the belief that the best and most deserving have the ability to influence a world of events, you will pursue power relentlessly as a source of personal validation. You will assume by the same warped logic that you are properly entitled to use (what others might consider abuse) such power once you get it. This may not seem terrible if your sphere of influence is on Tik Tok. It is absolutely terrible if your sphere of influence is literally the globe. We shouldn’t let our own bias pre-determine these two exercises of influence are fundamentally different for the individual. Should we assume someone who rises to the level of president is less egotistical or prone to magical thinking than a social media influencer? Doesn’t our lived experience tell us quite the opposite is true? What differentiates these two people may be more about opportunity than anything else. What drives them in their pursuits might be identical.

So here we sit, faced with consequences flowing from a stunted worldview and subsequently warped logic of some extremely powerful man-children. (They all happen to be men right now, sorry). Their campaign message has been so alluring in our crazy world that a bunch of us went along for the ride, hoping to gain more control by proxy I guess. These ‘leaders’ have risen to power believing in their own magic and therefore must use it to believe it themselves. The only acceptable world for them is one that affirms their possession of magical abilities; borne of their own superiority. If that isn’t a setup for failure I don’t know what is.

How many casualties will we continue to amass waiting for the doomed to fail? Will we ever seek to fully understand the source of their inevitable failure? Or will we keep getting sucked into their egotism and magical-thinking when they proudly and unabashedly claim ‘they alone can fix this?’ Will the systemic inequality that basks in their incompetent leadership eventually make all these people ‘too big to fail?’ What will be the fate of everyone else? I can say one thing, I am quite confident it won’t be magical.

There simply are no words to express my grief and sadness for the people of Ukraine. I created this simple image using the colors and flowers of Ukraine, in prayer for peace and survival for this very courageous and democratic nation.

One year ago today I watched in stunned silence on television as a mob of U.S. citizens stormed their own Capitol and attempted to overthrow the election of our next president. I cried, nearly sobbed uncontrollably at the very sight of this unthinkable chain of events. Only it was totally thinkable. A few weeks prior to January 6 I sat chatting, ironically, in the comfort of my hairdresser’s chair and said “The day Congress counts the Electoral College votes…I am very worried what might happen that day…I predict they will try to stop it…I think it’s going to turn violent.”

Let me be clear, I am not involved with, or privy to, any type of information beyond the public domain. And even within that domain, I don’t ferret out information about politics at all. I especially don’t know anyone involved with or remotely affiliated with those acts that took place at the Capitol on January 6. And yet, I was somehow able to very accurately predict, weeks in advance, precisely what happened from a very comfortable (in every sense) distance. Based on my prior prediction, I had my eyes peeled on television coverage of the U.S. Capitol all day long on January 6, 2021 – well before the riot started. As events unfolded I cried over what I saw, and as much I wept over the fact I was right about it.

Maybe it’s because I live in Wisconsin, a ‘swing state,’ and maybe it’s because I live in the City of Madison where we are routinely chided by much of the state for our progressive politics. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the more conservative rural area that exists in the shadow of this liberal city. Maybe it’s because some of my extended family doesn’t share my political views, to say the least. Maybe it’s because I’ve witnessed the imperfections of both sides of the political spectrum living in the capital of this very divided state. Perhaps all of these experiences offered more opportunities to do so, but I don’t think they explain my ability to precisely predict what would happen.

I think that more likely I could predict what would happen because I observed some of the profound discontent that fueled the insurrection. And no, I don’t mean bogus election fraud claims. I mean the frustration coming from a perception that politics has devolved into mere big money political posturing and no one in power cares about ‘us.’ This has been coupled with (or perhaps emerged from) the broader collapse of a social contract enabling both civil discourse and mutual respect, along with the necessary caretaking, that is foundational to our civil society — let alone our democracy. When the concepts of civility and mutual caretaking disappear on democracy’s watch, we all suffer the impact on a very personal level and we risk losing sight of how sacred our democracy really is to us. We grow skeptical of democracy because it failed to protect us — from ourselves. That’s where our internal logic breaks down and we see things like what happened on January 6.

Our democracy is far from perfect because it is a product and a reflection of who we are. It is not separate from us, it IS us. For better or worse. Democracy can change for the better just like we can change as individuals and as a society, but it’s similarly difficult to do so. It can also fail just as we do. Success is achievable though with opportunity, intention and persistence; and no other government works that way. What an amazing concept that is, truly. And when I think about people who come to our country (or emerge from within) embracing this wonderful concept with all of their heart; I know we have a renewed opportunity to grow with their participation.

By contrast, the only thing authoritarians offer is the assurance that we will never have any power to change the way things are. For better or worse — mostly worse. Authoritarianism only seems like it could be better when we suffer under a delusion that our current circumstances can’t get worse. They can always get worse, right up until we cease to exist. One of the central tenets of authoritarianism is being in power while not having to take time to really care about other people. Great for quick decision-making, terrible for good decision-making. Ask any homemaker and they will tell you that taking care of people the way they need to be cared for is time-consuming, messy, chaotic, emotional, inefficient and occasionally breathtakingly wonderful. In sum, it’s the exact opposite of what happens in authoritarian systems. Caring about others is what’s necessary to doing what’s right by them. In failing to care we deny ourselves and others the opportunity to experience the greatest joys of our existence.

Democracy assures us we always have the option to change if we choose it. We have to stop blaming democracy for our problems, and we have to stop wasting time blaming each other. We have to stop blaming ourselves at some point too; and instead take responsibility for changing the way things are because it reflects who we are. Regardless of personal or political affiliation, there are plenty of folks who need to stop acting like selfish jerks. We all need to stop glorifying people who get power or money while acting like selfish jerks. We need to stop running elections with money supplied by those rich, powerful and selfish jerks who are only interested in candidates who enable them. If we don’t like what elected people do, then we need to get better informed and vote accordingly. But most importantly while we work on ourselves and our democracy, we need to make sure no one kills our democracy while acting out of spite toward one another. We need to make sure everyone can vote and we need to make sure no one gets away with cheating or lies about who won. And we have to accept the outcome, for better or worse, until we thankfully get another chance to get things right.

Cheers to our little man on his first birthday! I don’t know how I would have gotten through this pandemic so far without his sweet little face and so many puppy cuddles to brighten each day.

It’s not the summer or fall we hoped for everyone, that’s for sure. As news spreads of the more deadly COVID Delta variant and the political punditry heats up again; it’s hard not to feel a reboot of last year’s angst. Still, there are lessons learned from the past year that make me feel optimistic. First, we are all in fact tougher than we think we are. Second, there are incredible people out there working hard to get us through this together. Third, there is potential for enough learning to take place from this experience in order for us to be collectively better than we were heading into this mess.

I choose optimism because I need these thoughts to keep me going. It’s easy to fall into a state of pessimism right now. It would be a mistake to think by choosing optimism I am being unrealistic in my assessment of my surroundings. I understand there is much to find disappointing in the way humans operate, particularly in the wake of COVID. I just don’t see a purpose in choosing more, self-inflicted, suffering along the way.

I spent years of thinking I was personally responsible for other people learning and doing better things in the world. When I look at responses to the pandemic and compare it to my own life experience, I am reminded how absurd it was for me to ever think that way. Don’t get me wrong, I did assume very real and important responsibilities as an educator and activist; and I took them quite seriously. The intended result was that the world would be a better place and I was proud to work toward that goal. I meant completely well in doing my work; but I was simultaneously laboring under the delusion that we can predict (and therefore control in some way) if/how people change for the better. I was not at all prepared for that brick wall I ultimately hit.

Over and over I see how a perceived need for power and control (even with the best of intentions) can corrupt individuals and organizations trying to affect change – from every point on the ideological spectrum. That’s a legitimate source of skepticism about people’s intentions and pessimism with regard to our potential for change. Where we are fortunate enough to feel free; that freedom we feel is precious to us. Exerting power and control over others is all too tempting for those who have access to it, as a means to expedite the process of making a desired change (for better or worse). For those who like the change, that’s sometimes acceptable. For others, it will never will be acceptable. The exercise of power and control compromises our precious freedom, at least, if it doesn’t take it away. Free people will intuitively resist others when they perceive them as attempting to control them or take away their freedom. For change to take place without exerting power and control over others, people must remain free to choose change.

Where freedom is understood as part of the social contract, people don’t generally have to fear that they will be killed for resisting control or even resisting change – and of course this is a good thing. (And we can see where those who aren’t actually safe resisting control from state entities like the police don’t feel so free in our society). Free people generally get to stay alive long enough to decide if the consequences of a choice are acceptable to them and are free enough to re-evaluate their choices over time. Those hoping for change are always hoping the opportunity to freely choose over time will yield better results. It’s a long process.

Complicating the process of change is the reality that free people are also free to remain ignorant at all times concerning the consequences of their choices upon others. This is the perennial challenge of balancing the freedom with responsibility to others as free people. You can see where this is a particular problem in the age of COVID. Sometimes we simply cannot wait for people to figure all this stuff out. Free people who choose not to get vaccinated may actually be killed by COVID for resisting control over their vaccination status. Free people cannot evaluate the consequence of a decision to resist COVID vaccination when they’re dead. If they are lucky to survive, they still may never know or appreciate the deadly consequences they may have inflicted upon others.

Being confident you won’t be killed for resisting is generally a very good thing–but it is something that only the most privileged in society have experienced for any significant length of time in our history. Maybe that is why some of the most privileged today overestimate their chances while they continue to resist vaccination from this deadly virus. Those who do not have a similar history of social privilege are baffled by the sheer hubris of believing you’ll be protected from consequences even when you deliberately fail to protect yourself during this pandemic. We don’t need to look hard to see where this twisted mindset comes from in our society. Those who have historically maintained social control and determined how consequences are assigned in our society certainly have benefitted greatly — by not experiencing many themselves. COVID has changed this calculation entirely but those with privilege are generally loathe to accept they should be treated the same as everyone else.

When our patience grows thin with the constant give and take of a system that allows resistance, our desire for control grows. That desire has the potential to corrupt our thinking about the entire system and how it should operate. We must be clear about our intention to preserve freedom and democracy while also preserving life. Thankfully, with more freedom the courageous have acted in ways that are critical for making progress. For example, some put themselves out front to resist autocracy and white supremacy and some put their livelihood on the line to resist the coercion of a sexually harassing boss. Some resist bullies and some resist being forced to submit to someone else’s harmful beliefs about people like them. With a prolonged effort comes a tacit expectation that we will grow and change away from insulating privileged people from experiencing consequences for the type of dreadful acts that have been perpetrated in the past with impunity.

COVID will hopefully fall away from being a deadly force. Will the COVID pandemic help us learn about addressing other deadly forces in our society? Or will we simply lose our patience? What happens next?

When it comes to social media, I’ll start by saying I am not a fan. I am writing as someone who lived a significant and formative part of my life without robust computer technology or social media. Yet, I am someone who is generally comfortable with technology and embrace its usefulness. As an introvert, I am simply someone who has never been personally tempted to jump on the Facebook/Instagram/Twitter bandwagon. This is not an attempt at piety by any means. This post represents an authentic struggle for me as an individual and a business owner – with some increasingly uncommon perspective given the immense popularity of social media. I even wrestled with whether to put this on my business web page but so few people read my blog I figured what the heck. Someone looking to understand my business approach might learn more about me by reading this entry. It’s certainly not typical.

Since I have never used them, I don’t have a good or bad personal experience upon which to base my opinion of most social media platforms. Some may argue I am therefore not entitled to have one. I still have to function in the world that is left behind while everyone else is online however. Last time I checked, that is still considered ‘reality.’ I believe I have enough information to observe that obsession with virtual (as in, not quite) reality is what’s making actual reality suck so much sometimes. And the worse that reality gets, the more it seems to push everyone back online in search of something else. I totally get the impulse, I just see where it’s heading and I don’t like it.

Take a moment as I did and look up definitions for the word ‘social’ and see if those match most of what takes place on ‘social media.’ Most definitions involve a description of companionship and/or organization of people in ways designed to benefit the community. While I understand why the concept of social media may be appealing generally and it presents some unique experiences that are positive, my observation is the net gain of social media is well below zero.

Still, despite all of this I have wrestled with my own opinions and weighed greater participation in social media while attempting to promote my business. After all, functioning in this world means accepting how it is to some degree. I have had many colleagues justify their use of social media this way. I myself read Twitter highlights from Huffington Post and have a good chuckle too. I know it’s not all bad. While it is almost universally accepted that robust engagement on social media is necessary for a successful business these days, I find my resistance to it grows deeper with each passing thought of how to get more involved. Since I never felt personal alignment with such behavior, getting active on social media for the sole purpose of making money just feels wrong on several levels.

I have heard many complain about the ills of social media and their own seemingly boundless obligation to stay on it. While some is completely benign, a lot of activity is centered on what I would consider ‘impression management.’ A useful description from Wikipedia: Impression management is a conscious or subconscious process in which people attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event by regulating and controlling information in social interaction. The appeal of making everyone (or everyone you want to) like you is obvious. Those of us who know better also know that’s impossible when you’re an authentic person. As an alternative to authenticity (that takes years to develop and with unpredictable results), impression management is a perceived shortcut to success and a rabbit hole nearly impossible to exit in ‘real’ life.

As a society we crave (and claim to value) authenticity; and yet no one seems motivated to dump social media en masse for literally forcing people to use opposing skillsets all the time. Why is that? Maybe it’s because developing authenticity is not as important as a goal compared to the other goals you can accomplish through impression management. I understand all too well that impression management works. You can get ahead fast when you aren’t obligated to be true in representing yourself to others – but it can exact a heavy toll on you eventually. It will take an even heavier toll collectively when people eventually lack any basis to believe other people are doing anything beyond managing impressions. This was all just as true before social media as it is today with social media. Social media is not blameworthy for this very human condition but certainly social media has capitalized upon it. Social media companies have made unspeakable amounts of money while providing a high speed rail service toward making talk of authenticity sound trite at best – and at worst rendering it completely unrecognizable.

Now today, social media is the ‘Viagra’ for impression management – offering a prescriptive solution to our endemic social anxiety; one that is too hard to pass up. It’s so potent, everyone who’s on it thinks others should be on it too so we can share the same ‘experience.’ We are seeing some of the massive side effects of using social media in online bullying, suicide, election interference, COVID disinformation and the exponential rise of online hate. If it was known that Viagra caused this much ‘heart failure,’ it would be pulled off the market and likely the manufacturer would be immersed in criminal and/or civil litigation. Instead of this outcome, we get back online and we’re told everything happening is consensual and no one is getting hurt just by using social media. After all, people kill people, not social media. People elect dictators too.

Is it possible that’s all impression management?

As I continue to play with designs for our upcoming Esse Vitus store I discovered something curious and amusing that prompts this post. I chose the name Esse Vitus for many reasons, upon which I won’t elaborate here for sake of keeping your interest. Among the reasons for my choice, it means (roughly) ‘to be alive’ during a tragic year of loss to a pandemic. When I did my due diligence to make sure that there wasn’t an unintended consequence to this name, I discovered it is actually translated in Google (though not correctly) as ‘be wrong.’ Quelle horreur!

Then I stopped for a second to reflect…. even if it was inaccurate as a translation – is it necessarily so bad to think of Esse Vitus that way?

You’ve probably seen the memes posted all over the internet about the three hardest things to say: “I was wrong/sorry,” “I need help” and funnily adds “Worcestershire sauce.” On a serious note, it takes courage to ‘be wrong.’ To do that, we have to first be willing to learn enough about something to discover we might be wrong. Second, we have to check our own ego to admit we’re wrong.

In some cases we might be cast as “wrong” by those who simply choose not to learn and/or don’t possess the same conscience or courage to do what is right in a given situation. Again, it takes courage to accept that opponents’ misrepresentation in the course of pursuing a just cause.

So I think I am going to celebrate this idea of ‘be wrong’ too. If we are told that we are ‘right’ because we can extract unearned privilege and be unjustly enriched in our society, then I am more comfortable ‘being wrong.’ Same goes for situations where being ‘right’ means seizing an opportunity to avoid the truth of injustice and harming others by withholding support and validation of their just concerns. Imagine the transformative potential in acknowledging something is wrong and therefore we are wrong if we keep accepting it! Admitting we’re wrong opens the door to pursuing what is right. Perhaps if more of us chose to ‘be wrong’ for the sake of pursuing what is right, then we can build a more just and equitable society together – I can think of no better reason to ‘be wrong.’

Similarly, if it’s ‘wrong’ to stand up to injustice and being ‘right’ is conditioned on staying silent and letting others suffer in the wake of such inaction; then I am more comfortable ‘being wrong.’ A lasting stigma of being labeled ‘wrong’ can be the consequence of doing what is truly right. So I’ll think of my little Esse Vitus project as an attempt to breathe life into the idea that maybe being wrong sometimes isn’t so bad. Maybe Esse Vitus can be a tiny source of pride for those who seek to do what is right in the face of many obstacles; and inspiration for the rest to do better…

We’re all itching for a fun summer after a year or so of quarantine, so Vito and I have been busy designing some inspirational gear for what’s to come. We’re in the processing of creating our shop space online, getting samples and making sure everything we make available will be top notch and ready for life’s joyful pursuits!

I promised at the beginning I would not be in the business of pushing product sales to my clients, so I won’t. This is simply an experiment in sharing something that brings joy to my little world. I chose an on-demand service for printing that doesn’t rely on bulk orders so there is no obligation to make a sale. It’s also reduces waste as there is no inventory sitting around unused. I am working with organic and eco-friendly products as much as possible.

When we’re ready to go live on Etsy, I’ll let you know! Otherwise, happy daydreaming about how to reclaim this summer for good times with all of our friends and loved ones!