Not-Social Media

When it comes to social media, I’ll start by saying I am not a fan. I am writing as someone who lived a significant and formative part of my life without robust computer technology or social media. Yet, I am someone who is generally comfortable with technology and embrace its usefulness. As an introvert, I am simply someone who has never been personally tempted to jump on the Facebook/Instagram/Twitter bandwagon. This is not an attempt at piety by any means. This post represents an authentic struggle for me as an individual and a business owner – with some increasingly uncommon perspective given the immense popularity of social media. I even wrestled with whether to put this on my business web page but so few people read my blog I figured what the heck. Someone looking to understand my business approach might learn more about me by reading this entry. It’s certainly not typical.

Since I have never used them, I don’t have a good or bad personal experience upon which to base my opinion of most social media platforms. Some may argue I am therefore not entitled to have one. I still have to function in the world that is left behind while everyone else is online however. Last time I checked, that is still considered ‘reality.’ I believe I have enough information to observe that obsession with virtual (as in, not quite) reality is what’s making actual reality suck so much sometimes. And the worse that reality gets, the more it seems to push everyone back online in search of something else. I totally get the impulse, I just see where it’s heading and I don’t like it.

Take a moment as I did and look up definitions for the word ‘social’ and see if those match most of what takes place on ‘social media.’ Most definitions involve a description of companionship and/or organization of people in ways designed to benefit the community. While I understand why the concept of social media may be appealing generally and it presents some unique experiences that are positive, my observation is the net gain of social media is well below zero.

Still, despite all of this I have wrestled with my own opinions and weighed greater participation in social media while attempting to promote my business. After all, functioning in this world means accepting how it is to some degree. I have had many colleagues justify their use of social media this way. I myself read Twitter highlights from Huffington Post and have a good chuckle too. I know it’s not all bad. While it is almost universally accepted that robust engagement on social media is necessary for a successful business these days, I find my resistance to it grows deeper with each passing thought of how to get more involved. Since I never felt personal alignment with such behavior, getting active on social media for the sole purpose of making money just feels wrong on several levels.

I have heard many complain about the ills of social media and their own seemingly boundless obligation to stay on it. While some is completely benign, a lot of activity is centered on what I would consider ‘impression management.’ A useful description from Wikipedia: Impression management is a conscious or subconscious process in which people attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event by regulating and controlling information in social interaction. The appeal of making everyone (or everyone you want to) like you is obvious. Those of us who know better also know that’s impossible when you’re an authentic person. As an alternative to authenticity (that takes years to develop and with unpredictable results), impression management is a perceived shortcut to success and a rabbit hole nearly impossible to exit in ‘real’ life.

As a society we crave (and claim to value) authenticity; and yet no one seems motivated to dump social media en masse for literally forcing people to use opposing skillsets all the time. Why is that? Maybe it’s because developing authenticity is not as important as a goal compared to the other goals you can accomplish through impression management. I understand all too well that impression management works. You can get ahead fast when you aren’t obligated to be true in representing yourself to others – but it can exact a heavy toll on you eventually. It will take an even heavier toll collectively when people eventually lack any basis to believe other people are doing anything beyond managing impressions. This was all just as true before social media as it is today with social media. Social media is not blameworthy for this very human condition but certainly social media has capitalized upon it. Social media companies have made unspeakable amounts of money while providing a high speed rail service toward making talk of authenticity sound trite at best – and at worst rendering it completely unrecognizable.

Now today, social media is the ‘Viagra’ for impression management – offering a prescriptive solution to our endemic social anxiety; one that is too hard to pass up. It’s so potent, everyone who’s on it thinks others should be on it too so we can share the same ‘experience.’ We are seeing some of the massive side effects of using social media in online bullying, suicide, election interference, COVID disinformation and the exponential rise of online hate. If it was known that Viagra caused this much ‘heart failure,’ it would be pulled off the market and likely the manufacturer would be immersed in criminal and/or civil litigation. Instead of this outcome, we get back online and we’re told everything happening is consensual and no one is getting hurt just by using social media. After all, people kill people, not social media. People elect dictators too.

Is it possible that’s all impression management?